Melbourne Cabaret Festival

Oh what a shambles! Not so much the acts themselves, but the so called Gala (I think they left the “H” off the end of that word) Opening. I have LOVED the previous Galas…. Everything from Sammy J to Mary Wilson in properly equipped and professionally run venues; but this was like visiting your favourite gourmet restaurant only to be told the award winning chef had left and the food was prepared in a microwave.

We piled into the Alex auditorium …. (this must be one of the ugliest theatres in the entire world - and I’ve seen thousands) to be treated to poor sight-lines, sound that didn’t work a lot of the time… (everyone had radio mikes but still used hand-mikes…neither of which seemed to help) and a tatty totally black box stage whose aspect ratio for a theatre is just plain WRONG (it’s height is greater than its width). No effort had been made to dress the stage except for a cut-out of a strawberry dipped in chocolate that was so naff it looked like it was made by a kindy craft class 5 minutes before the curtain. The lighting was non-existent (even amateur productions these days have stunning lighting plots) and there wasn’t even a follow spot for artists who came down into the audience. No-one knew what was going on, and it’s doubtful there was even a run through. There appeared to be no stagehands and so star/MC Rob Mills rushed to push an electric keyboard offstage, and was later on hands and knees trying to get the sound to work. Artists appeared from the wings apparently climbing down steep steps – one artist missed her cue completely…..she wasn’t ready (don’t ask me how that’s even possible) and Rob, in his first MC-ing gig, had to ad-lib for 3-4 minutes until she deigned to arrive (which was hardly worth the effort). Another artist with a fabulous voice and some clever material made false starts to her own song not once, not twice, but THREE times because she forgot the words…. The whole thing smacked of amateur talent shows that used to be held in theatres back in the days before TV commandeered the amateur and made it professional. It was, as a colleague noted, a train wreck, but at least we got out alive. And with no-one directing, no running order sheet, no credits for the show of any kind, the persons responsible for this fiasco remain anonymous.

Of the acts themselves, Dolly Diamond, The Grand Dame of Drag opened the

Show with class and panache and is always a must see – fortunately she understands the broad use of the word Cabaret and isn’t locked into doing bad Joel Grey impersonations; Rob Mills was warm, genuine and affable,  in terrific voice,  and  well worth seeing. He did a great job in difficult circumstances; Ginger and Tonic and Suade (pictured right) combine together in this festival for some brilliant a capella vocals and salacious comedy; Strange Bedfellows (Kanen Breen and Jacqui Dark) bring their amazing voices and satanic comedy to a new show “Under the Covers” - they truly are worthy Helpman award winners; Peter J Casey did a funny number about celebrity chef Peter Evans.

Then, for reasons that totally escape me, the last 15 minutes (the show ran 20 minutes over) was given over to a Drag show “Queens of the City”. All three performers have fabulous voices but the comedy and repartee with the audience were so old hat that couldn’t help but think of Les Girls at The Carousel in Kings Cross in the sixties.

Those “Girls” didn’t sing but the costumes and moves and patter were infinitely  better. Is this how far “Cabaret” has come?

If this Festival is to survive and keep growing, it needs a serious rethink before next year….especially where the venue is concerned. I won’t even mention the After Party  – but then, there was not a lot to celebrate

http://www.melbournecabaret.com/shows/