I’m Only Dating These Men Because My Uncle Bequeathed Me Money and I Need to Get Married by the End of the Year

The title is the scarcely credible premise of a two-man show about love, true love, attempted marriage and gay dating.  The possibility that the uncle’s condition could be so easily got around does not arise…

Co-writer Luke Costabile is ‘Larry’, the guy desperately chasing $946,000 by the end of the year.  Co-writer-director Trent Cliffe plays all the other roles: Larry’s pal and neighbour Carol (a heavy red bob wig), his Aunt Susie (an Amy Winehouse gone crazy wig) as well as the awkward, demanding, excruciating, impossible dates Larry meets along the way - as well as some innocent bystanders. 

In a Theatre Works website interview, Trent Cliffe tells us that this show has gone through several iterations, one of which was a sketch comedy show (it’s still a sketch comedy show) that lacked a through-line, so he and his collaborators fixed on gay dating as the through-line and, presumably added the premise as a kind of clamp for Larry’s quest. 

Trent Cliffe himself as co-writer and performer reveals great if quite undisciplined talent.  Many of the sketches are, as sketches, very funny and pointed.  Cliffe can sing and he has an impish persona that is engaging and hints at an ability to go much further than this material allows.

The show is billed as a ‘new musical’, meaning it’s a contemporary new musical, which means you won’t go home humming any tunes – but the music is pleasant enough and does reveal a softer side to Costabile’s character. 

What the gay dating through-line demonstrates is the fine irony that when you go looking for love, the possible love interests – on Grindr, old pals, highfliers or weird spirits - just might have their own agendas, standards and eccentricities. 

Larry’s mysterious and faraway gay uncle is concerned for him.  He doesn’t just want to give Larry a lot of money; he’s also worried about his future – that Larry may be lonely and unhappy – and as far as Uncle is concerned, his yet-to-be-discovered partner could be male or female as long as Larry find true love…  And of course, if he doesn’t, tough luck.

Interestingly, Larry doesn’t seem to use the future bounty as any kind of bribe, inducement or come-on.  Does he even mention it?  He’s too prickly for that – that is, he never even gets close to needing to mention his possible inheritance.  We soon see that in fact Larry is self-absorbed, conceited, selfish and judgemental.  No wonder his uncle is concerned; no wonder he has problems finding ‘love’!  We might even wonder if he has ever had any kind of relationship with anyone, ever.  

And so, after giving us one unhappy encounter after another, the show meanders to its end, devolving into a shouting match with Cliffe and Costabile yelling over each other and then it just… sort of… stops.

Michael Brindley